10 reasons why being an Account Executive is harder than your job (written by a Copywriter because our Account Execs were too damn busy).
1. Everyone has a game face, but only Account Execs have a game voice.
2. Is the phrase “velvet hammer” included anywhere in your job description?
3. Wrangling creative types is like running with the bulls, mounting the angriest one and getting it to recite the monologue from Glengarry Glen Ross.
4. Mark these words: Hell hath no fury like an Executive Creative Director scorned by Legal.
5. Happy hours are on the clock.
6. There’s a fine line between a meeting and a meeting of the minds.
7. The adjective “thankless” is intended to be rhetorical and hyperbolic. Intended.
8. Can’t remember where your keys are? How about remembering that the client’s son played lacrosse with your nephew, she’s from Cleveland (“Go Browns!” - with a smile) and her husband fancies a dry martini.
9. The glass may be half empty, but the email inbox is always too full.
10. Big business begins with small talk.
Kantorwassink has been busy, folks. Girl Scout’s honor. But a ton has happened since out last post. Trust us. Or don’t trust us, see what we care. No, but trust us.
Look. Well, read.
Three birthdays. Nude clients. Sorry, new clients. Some more great work. Even more great work. Probably another birthday. A baby. Public lashings. Hot, hot heat. Miller Lites in hot, hot heat. A puppy party. Hope was lost. A newcomer named Steven. (Everyone say, “hello Steven.” “Hello, Steven.”) New pink tables. A day without swearing. Sorry, that one’s bullshit. “The fist” was said too much. A super sexy website for the super sexy folks at what’s likely to be your new favorite place in town. A smattering of awards? Maybe? Bueller? A few late nights. A few patriotic days off. “You put the dick in predictable.” Sunburn. Sugar Free Red Bull. Several trips to Chicago. 3 shouting matches. Too much wasabi. ANTS. Someone saw Ocean’s 11 for the first time and really wanted to analyze it. Someone was ignored. Continued to offend, annoy and general pester strangers across any and all forms of social media outlets (yes, we’re looking at you, Match.com). A radio spot with a rock star. A rabbit’s foot was fondled. Hope was regained. Air conditioning was valued. One more birthday. Hope was lost again.
There’s a few things missing from this rant, but for the sake of maintaining out questionable at best status with the Better Business Bureau, they were omitted. So sue us.
No, don’t sue us.
Lately, we’ve had some time to reflect on our career choice: zoo keeping.
Sorry. Advertising. Meant to say advertising. Anyway. These frightening introspective glimpses behind our own sequined curtains seem to often come 1.) late into night when our bodies should be entering into their NPR sleep cycles, 2.) when there are 2+ in-laws in the room or 3.) when smooth jazz comes on Pandora.
So after Easter weekend, when we had plenty of time to reflect (cough-#2-cough-cough), we came to work on Monday chock-full of Peeps, glazed ham and paths we would have taken. Had the world of advertising not reared its toupeed head into our formerly sleep-filled lives, a few of us, when corned, confessed we’d probably be:
“Social Media/Bed-dwelling Insect Specialist for the Center for Disease Control.” “An anchor on the Today Show, known for asking hard-hitting questions of my personal sommelier.” “Animal handler for the Cirque du Soleil’s all-mole acrobatic troupe, La Vermine Fantastique.” “A teacher. HA. Got you there. Probably an old woman in the Florida Keys.” “Proud producer of XM’s Rick Astly Radio.” “Professor Emeritus at Harvard’s Gilbert Gottfried School of Linguistics.” “Hungrier.”
Another new year has arrived, which means yet another chance to get it right. And in typical fashion, we’re already doing it wrong. Here are a few New Year’s Resolutions that have already gone in one year and out the other.
1. Get Organized. Scout’s honor, we made an honest attempt at this one, but got lost in the stack of memoir drafts, boxer briefs and cheese sticks strewn about the office.
2. Thumbs down every Coldplay song on Pandora. OK, we must have set this resolution after a few pops, because it clearly is downright impossible. No matter the artist, no matter the genre, no matter the era, Coldplay, like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, will find a way.
3. Eat healthier. This one will be hard for some to understand, but this resolution is entirely out of our hands, and mouths. What’s that you say, naysayers? “The decision to eat healthy is up to you, and you alone?” Have you ever had caramel corn coated in succulent, Pantone 1545 C, chocolate? Have you had Art of the Table gift baskets laid before you by client angels on high for an entire moon cycle? Veuve is overrated? Please, people.
4. Get in shape. Define “in shape.”
5. Try something new. In a crowded bar, “new” sounds a lot like “nude.” Our failure to complete this one can be chalked up as simple miscommunication. We do have to admit, however, that Kantor’s garmentless hair-of-the-dog Bloody Mary’s wow’d our jeggings right off.